Archive for 2005

Mirrors...

Life is good. If I can't start off by saying that, I can't imagine I should be taken seriously. Life is very good, and anyone who tells you differently is crazy, dead, or well on their way to one and/or the other.

I just turned 24 the other day. I don't feel like I'm 24. Most days I think I feel 19 with a chance of maturity. Either way, I'm not going to get caught up in any big self-reflective moment. I think people who get too sentimental, you know, the 'staring in the mirror to find out who I am' kinda thing - those people tend to miss out on some good parts of life happening on the other side of that mirror. I think maybe I'm 2 hours of sleep and a good tea short of some deep, poetic point, but I do think real life happens when we recognize that the real world, the one God created, is broader than the world we try to maintain for ourselves - a world I believe is described well by the mirror illustration. We create our own little worlds because we can maintain an illusion of understanding, order, and control - three attributes for which God has no expressed interest in His creation.

I like where this is going, but I need to get some sleep. I'll write more later.

Noise...

(A note to start this one off: I've been throwing away a lot of junk lately, and tonight I came across this little bit I must have written back in late-ish 2004. I still like it, so maybe that means its worth sharing.)



Noisy. So noisy - even the cars are noiser than normal. And in the one real break I get from the cars, a noisy airplane decided to fly overhead, which is not as loud as a nearby car, but still is distinct enough a noise to open up a whole new dimension of 'noisy'. Just as the plane passed, I hear a go-cart approaching - you know, one of those homemade types built by people who regard mufflers as luxury features.



Then you have Starbucks. Talk about trying to manufacture culture. You don't create culture by playing artsy music and serving overpriced coffee to people who are richer than they realize, sitting at chess tables never used for their designed purpose. You get all the look and feel of community without having to really 'do' anything particularly communal. We still don't talk to our neighbors.

... Chess tables without pieces. It's all very symbolic - like light without heat, or noise without words.


Which is more noisy?

Discipline or Love

Living disciplined is very hard if you are not living disciplined. From my perspective, I am a very undisciplined person. I don't pray enough, read enough, write enough or sleep enough. I don't sleep enough, but I don't get up early enough. I eat too much, drive too much, and watch too much TV. I'm not enough on some counts and in excess on others, and in both cases a lack of discipline is evidenced.

...10 minutes later...

I haven't edited the paragraph above so I can make this next point very clear. I don't know what the hell I'm writing about. Can you tell? I think that's the case for any writer who descends into juxtapositions. At that point a writer ceases to be creative - cheifly because he is trying to be fancy. So here's a writing lesson for you: If you want to write well, stop trying to write well. Instead of focusing on how fancy your words are, focus on that which compels you to write, and is worthy of being discussed. The best stuff I've ever written has happened when I stop concerning myself with how I sound, and focus entirely on the heart of the subject at hand. Its why children's drawings are still the best art around. There's something magical about an innocent mind put to work. And really, I think innocence is at the heart of what we call 'discipline'. An innocent heart recognizes the ownership of the Father in all things - where our claim to ownership is effectively the source of all lathargic undisciplinedness - creating an awareness, congitively recognized or not, that life is a gift. And this awareness, when lived out, is very disciplined indeed. However, when lived out, 'disciplined' is not the valid term to the bearer of this awareness - his life is not so much disciplined as it is loved.

As I said before, "Living disciplined is very hard if you are not living disciplined." Beyond that, 'disciplined' is only what those not living in a proper awareness of God's love call those who are. If our awareness of God's love for us is in any way healthy, the natural outcrop of our lives is an uninhibited response of love. Through this, the daily 'disciplines' are no longer disciplines at all, but rather a response to God's love that is in fact very natural.

So why don't any of us 'naturally' get up at 5:30 in the morning to pray? The answer is because, in our sin, we each struggle to maintain the awareness of God's love that Christ has given us. Our sin contorts the truth that we are completely unworthy and yet completely loved with the lie that we earn our worth in God's sight. Under this lie, we spruce ourselves up and fancy up our resumes to try and impress God. Much like my shitty writing at the beginning of this blog, those efforts reveal themselves as empty pursuits of self, and not lovely pursuits of the Lover.

And so I thank God that He forgives us even in our attempts to get around His love. To cap this off, I'll quote C.S. Lewis, who quoted some person named Traherne, whom I assume must be an old philosopher since it is from a book titled Centuries of Meditation.

"Love can forbear, and Love can forgive, but Love can never be reconciled to an unlovely object. God can never therefore be reconciled to your sin, because sin itself is incapable of being altered; but He may be reconciled to your person, because that may be restored."

Stories are still for children - how young are you?

I don't have much to write, really, but I wanted to pass this along, both as an excuse to have something in my blog that doesn't have to do with girls, but also because its worth sharing and I hope you enjoy it.


Telling the Story
by Arthur S. Peterson (Andrew Peterson's brother)

In Paul’s letter to the Hebrews he refers to God as the author of our faith. That implication, that God is writing something, crafting a story, spinning a great yarn across history has always fascinated me. I grew up a preacher’s son in small churches and got my gospel in small Sunday servings, and always my favorite portions of my father’s sermons were the stories. He has a great booming voice, he speaks with authority, and he knew the impact of the subtle and the dramatic upon an audience captivated by words. I’d be in the back pew where the cool kids sat, scribbling notes to the girl down the row while trying to hide my inattention behind the suited shoulders of whomever sat in front of me, then I’d hear the beginnings of a story and I’d tune in for the show. Dad would tell Bible stories, he’d quote quaint illustrations, passages from books and scenes from movies--anywhere he found revelations of God in literature he’d relate them from the stage with the rhythm, meter and hushed sincerity of a great storyteller.

Stories. Stories were real. They were exciting, and my father could spin them with conviction. They stood out from those fundamental words of our Christian lexicon that fly so often from pulpit to pew, those words that had worn me numb--you know the ones: saved, redeemed, born again, grace, repentance, justification, thee’s, thou’s, shant’s and shall’s, they had no meaning to me anymore because they were so commonplace they’d lost their soul to the paradigm. But in the telling of great tales I found those old ideas dressed new, in fresh clothes, dancing in my mind like players on a stage.

We spend so much time up close to the Word, studying its minutiae, combing through the New Testament for new understanding, that I fear the church often loses sight of the epic. How many sermons and Sunday school lessons have you sat through that focused on a single verse? How utterly is the story of Christ alone preached outside its foundational context? Too often I think. It was years later that my mind finally began to string it all together. All those small Sunday lessons shifting around my mind, turning this way and that were finally dropping down into the great jigsaw faith that God had authored millennia ago. As I began to finally see the enormity of what God had wrought upon the world my mind staggered, awed, and wondered at its scope, its perfection. The idea that God had planned it all from the day of creation, had foreshadowed it, foretold it and at last utterly fulfilled it across thousands of years was unimaginable to me. It was the stuff of legend, the stuff of myth, only bigger, better, deeper and…true.

In the years since then I’ve been shocked at how often the church fails to present this one great true myth to its people. We preach Christ but so often fail to tell the stories recalling how he was prophesied in the Garden of Eden, how on Mt. Moriah God gave his lamb to Abraham, how on the Passover the lamb’s blood marked the doors of the faithful, how every year the priests carried out the Day of Atonement ceremony and the blood upon the mercy seat sought to cleanse the sins of a nation, how the prophets foretold the day and how heaven itself must have held its breath as Christ was made man and at last the Lamb of God himself was spurned and slain and achieved what no man ever could: victory over death. What stories! What tales! What a faith!

I was standing in the kitchen a few years back and I pestered Andrew to play for me some of his new stuff. Grudgingly he told me he had this idea to try and tell the full story of Christmas, not just the rote baby-in-a-manger stuff but the real story. I saw at once what he wanted to do (much to his relief I think) and I was excited to say the least. All too often we’re led to believe that Christmas is the beginning of the story, but in the epic scope of God’s revelation, his plan, Christmas is merely the beginning of its greatest chapter. Since that first twinkle of light was spoken into being all of history has heaved, rolled and moaned until at last it broke upon that glorious Christmas morning when the host of heaven sang glory and amen. Christmas is far from the beginning indeed.

A few weeks later, when I sat in an empty church in Nashville listening to Andy and Silers Bald running through the entire work for the first time, I cried. Man, this is what people need, I thought. People need to be reminded of just how big, how titan and finally how touching our history as Christians is. And I wasn’t the only one feeling that way, I saw every show of that first Christmas Tour and I felt the presence of God there in the audience like I have at no other time in my life, I felt as if I could almost hear his rumbling breath in the drums and his laughter in the mandolin. And the people listening knew it too; they wept it, they held their breath for fear they’d break it, they raised their hands in praise as if they could grab and hold it. And when it was over they wanted it, they anguished that it wasn’t available to take home with them where they could share it with others. Talk about good news, talk about gospel.

C.S. Lewis wrote, as Andy often points out, that one day we will look back on even the stars themselves as old tales. I have this vision in my mind that one day, somewhen, out there in a wooded corner of eternity, when we’ve been there long enough to breathe tales ten thousand years in the making, that God and his children are sitting around a bright, crackling fire and he’s telling old stories with grand gestures and a deep mesmerizing voice. He’s dancing around the light, smiling, laughing, bellowing each part as his children sit on the edge of the wavering firelight with wide eyes and anxious breath. He’s telling that amazing old story, that great true myth, that yarn of pain and loss, heroism and sacrifice, victory and vast, abiding love and when it’s over the kids are all stirred and weeping at the wonder as they ask, “Did that really happen Abba?” and God smiles as he softly answers, “Yes, oh yes.”

I hope this recording bears just a little resemblance to that story. I hope it reminds us that we are the heirs of promises sealed in an elder age when giants walked in Canaan and shepherds laid them low. I hope it tells the story, my story, our story and you’ll carry it with you and tell it again, and again, and again, until, in time, it passes to myth, and we at last to glory.

Questioning the Pop...

Like the title?

It's the best I've got at 11:42pm, so bear with me and I'll fill you in.

She of course said 'no'. Maybe if some girl is reading this, she can feel sympathy that such a sweet gentle and caring person like myself got stiffed by a girl who didn't know what she had. I'm also the humblest person I know...

Really, though, it turned out to be slightly inconsequential. David Gray lost his voice and postponed the concert till spring '06, so not too much harm done.

Life really isn't ever as exciting as we wish it could or should be. Like John Lennon said, 'Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans.' How easily we can miss the brunt of our life because we're out trying to find ourselves or make a mark on the world. How easily we miss that a big part of our mark on the world is the lady serving the overpriced coffee we sip while considering our greater aspirations. Could it be that she is the greater aspiration?

It took a Catholic priest to put into perspective the nature of what I've just said, so let me pass on to you what he said to me. He simply said that each person we encounter, each environment and circumstance we find ourselves in, is by its very nature a manisfestation of Jesus Christ. Each mundane moment of our daily lives presents a new opportunity to be the face, the hands, and the feet of Christ. How can a Christian rightly despair over life with this understanding? How fortunate and how blessed we are that Christ is manifesting Himself in our daily moments. Because this is how He works in our lives, we can be comforted even in the most routine of practices, knowing that Christ's very presence makes that moment new and relevant, and makes us responsible to live as He would. For just as it is His life now living through us, our moments, exciting and mundane alike, are His moment given to us in which we might live, and live well.

I almost said 'you never know when Christ might be using you to impact someone else.' In all actuality, we do know. In each moment, Christ is providing opportunity for us to recognize Him and respond accordingly, and those moments are just as relevant, whether you find yourself on a mountaintop, on a stage, paying an overworked lady for your overpriced coffee, or being offered company by a guy who just values you without expectation. In any of the wierdest or most wonderful situations, please, realize Christ is even in that. Live with that understanding, and live that understanding well. Good night.

Popping A Question...

Well, so much for that '9 days' thing, huh?

I've just got to say that life happens, and I'm less-busy enough to write now that my financial testing is complete. What a beast that stuff is. I will get around to my experiences in silence, of which there are many to speak. For now, however, I just want to write about tonight, both as a release and to exercise my writing a little bit.

I asked a girl out on a date tonight. I suppose you'd call it a date, anyway. Either way you go, we're talking about exclusive time together at the very intimate and thoughtful concert of one David Gray. Maybe I got motivated to act because my roommate proposed today, figuring if he is brave enough to drop a knee live, on stage at our big opera house in Fort Worth, surely I can muster a pseudo-date request.

I'm not sure guys are capable of pulling much anything off relationship wise with the ease and grace we commonly see in movies, but then again, real life girls aren't being paid to swoon now, are they?

Long story short, there's a bonus in that she really likes David Gray, and I didn't know that before asking her. On the other hand, I got the 'I'll have to check my schedule' card, so I'm not incredibly optimistic at this point that this one is gonna work out. And is that response ever legitimate? I figure if a girl really wants a date to happen, she'll say yes. Either way you go, I'll find out by next weekend if I need to revert to one of my other plan As.

Introduction & Silence

Welcome.

I'm brand spanking new at this blogging stuff, so I hope you can hang in there with me. I also hope there is a 'you' to hang in there at all. In fact, if anyone does end up reading whatever I put up here, I sincerely hope you will leave comments. One of the reasons I haven't done any blogging until now is due to my perception that most bloggers talk and talk and talk without really ever saying anything. I desire authentic communication, so any comments you leave really help that aim. With that...

For the past 2 ½ years, God has been teaching me about the gift of silence and the important place it has in the Christ-centered life. During this same time, He has convicted me of my personal need to enter into a 1-month period of voluntary silence. I have, of course, put off this calling, which has in turn only grown more intrusive in my life. God has His plans, and has kept pushing me and pushing me, reminding me of my need to become silent for the purpose of better understanding the role of silence, the role of listening to God and to each other, and for the purpose of better understanding what it means to communicate His love.

During the weekend circa July 31st, I felt this call yet again and finally decided to respond, which means that at the time of this posting, I have been silent for about 9 days now. I will be keeping this up until September 2nd. Let me tell you, these 9 days have been unbelievable. You see, the paragraph introducing this whole vow of silence, if you will - I wrote that the day I decided to go silent. Just reading it now, I am floored at how little idea I had of what God had (and still has) in store for my life during this month.

I've decided to document the month in this way: I will write each day in present form, only I will write it 9 days after the fact. In this way, I will have each day's thoughts better thought-out, structured, and written in a way that leads into the upcoming day. One might even call it fluid, but let's not get too ahead of ourselves.

Silence is a powerful tool that God has used to show me how dependent I must always be upon Him. Hopefully over this next month, I can communicate my exercise in silence in a way where you too realize your complete dependence upon our Loving Daddy.