As a disclaimer, I am no authority on marriage. I've never been married and don't have advice to offer. I am invaluable apart from what God chooses to speak through me. I am an empty slate, stumbling through the ropes of learning this new life-skill. Such learning is hard and sometimes painful. I write these words less on an emotional cloud and more with sleepy eyes and a headache. Honesty does not come easy, but honesty is what I'm after, and I simply want to show you one man's stumbling through a desire to learn to love his wife.



For those of you married or soon-to-be, you've likely been recommended books on marriage. Some of you may be required to read such books as part of a pre-marriage counseling program. Being engaged as I am, I fall somewhere in this category. Some close friends have recommended marriage books, and the church has a punch list of books they recommend as well. Cara and I have begun our pre-marriage counseling, and I expect some reading as part of that program. I love to read(reed) and wish I read(red) more than I do. What better opportunity to become better-read(red) than to read(reed) through this ever-growing stack of marriage books sitting in front of me?

But marriage books? Really? Aren't they just self-help books with a twist of Chicken Soup for Mardel's Profit's Soul? How many editions of The 5 Love Languages does it take to get the point across? What, again, is the point? Do I really fit in one of five pretty little boxes? Who decided there were five? What would happen if a dissheveled, pipe-smoking, Gandalf-like professor emerged from a cave in Egypt with an ancient scroll revealing a long-lost sixth love language? How would Dr. Gary Chapman respond? My money says he'd make BFF with this Gandalf-person and a motley band of his five(one for each language) back cover endorsers, which include NASCAR driver Darryl Waltrip(not a joke), Kirk Cameron(a joke on many levels), and Elijah Wood on an epic quest to fling the sixth scroll into the fires of Mount Ararat, and thus restore peace and order to Dr. Gary Chapman's publishing empire.

A stretch though that may be, do you blame me for a tinge of skepticism at anything turned face up on the Lifeway shelves, a la Joel Osteen and Joyce Meyer? I'm not out to slam highly successful self-help authors such as those(wink), but to express my concern that even those authoring books on marriage - that most sacred of rites - are not exempt from the draws of commercial success that consume so many in the lucrative industry of Christian media. I want to believe the author has my best interests in mind, so forgive me for doubting this when the new marriage book is packaged with as little humility as those of previously mentioned 'authors'.

I remember, however, who recommended these books. These are my friends and a church I love and trust. Whatever my concerns about media companies, my friends are of good and loving motive. They want the best for me. I am thankful that my friends and the church care enough to help prepare couples for married life. Under this pretense, maybe I can give these books an honest chance. Since honesty is such a big part of marriage, and thus my pursuit, I've decided to apply honesty to my decision to push through in reading these marriage books. Despite my concerns, I shall read them with an open mind, but even better, I will take you along for the ride.
Over the next few months, I will read through these marriage books, which I've listed below. I expect much surprise, frustration, and relief at what I read, and I will do my best to let all those reactions show in these letters.


The books I will read are:
The Five Love Languages - Gary Chapman
Rocking the Roles - Robert Lewis
His Needs, Her Needs - William F. Harley, Jr.
When Sinners Say 'I Do' - Dave Harvey
Men Are Like Waffles--Women Are Like Spaghetti - Bill & Pam Farrel

I will read them in this order and write after each one is completed, a process I expect to take less than 61 days, which happens to be the exact time left till I get married. I hope you gather some benefit (or entertainment, at least) from my journey, and I promise to open my ears and listen to what the writers have to say.

Beyond the writing, I'm excited about the task at hand. I've written previously on preparing my home for Cara's arrival. In similar fashion, I've titled this series 'Preparing a Heart'. I realize more every day how much room I have to grow and mature in preparing to be Cara's husband; I have a long way to go. If you'll join me for this while, I trust by my example God will widen your path, if for no other reason than to sidestep my wreckage.