This morning, I arrive at Starbucks to write, and Unnamed Man is sitting in my writing chair. I can't tell you how disappointing this is. He's reading the newspaper, so I figure, hey, I'll wait him out. I've been here almost a whole hour, and nothing. On and on he turns the pages. I think he's reading through the whole thing a second time. ...I hate him.
Ok, so I don't hate him. I just disapprove of the direction his life has taken over the last 63 minutes. Maybe I should say something. Make a stand. Maybe I should snatch his newspaper and run. I can't do that. The newspaper is an endangered species, and my fellow writers are scraping for their inkly lives. In the same logical thread, it's like he's saving the whales. Does that mean I'm gutting their blubber to make perfume? I don't want that on my tombstone. I should just stay in my seat, let the man read his precious newspaper.
WHY??? Why can't I just walk up to a man and reason, you know, like grown men. I could just say, "Excuse me, sir, but I have a Mac, and I need to write, and this chair… you see what I'm saying?" Somewhere in there... Really, I just want him to stop inconveniencing my life. Is that so bad? Maybe I can convince him that his seat selection is crap, and he'll find a greater threshold of happiness elsewhere in the store, or maybe China, or the Isle of Man. I hear cruises are great places to catch up on your reading - you know, the whole tranquility thing. One thing I know, if he doesn't get up soon, I might just place his ship in the Gulf of Aden. Maybe his Somali pirate captors will give him a cell that faces the morning light, and then he can read whatever he wants, and he won't unknowingly bother me any more, and I think, ultimately, we'll both be happier that way.