The Earth, The Sky and Everything In Between

As a disclaimer, I am no authority on marriage. I've never been married and don't have advice to offer. I am invaluable apart from what God chooses to speak through me. I am an empty slate, stumbling through the ropes of learning this new life-skill. Such learning is hard and sometimes painful. I write these words less on an emotional cloud and more with sleepy eyes and a headache. Honesty does not come easy, but honesty is what I'm after, and I simply want to show you one man's stumbling through a desire to learn to love his wife.



For those of you married or soon-to-be, you've likely been recommended books on marriage. Some of you may be required to read such books as part of a pre-marriage counseling program. Being engaged as I am, I fall somewhere in this category. Some close friends have recommended marriage books, and the church has a punch list of books they recommend as well. Cara and I have begun our pre-marriage counseling, and I expect some reading as part of that program. I love to read(reed) and wish I read(red) more than I do. What better opportunity to become better-read(red) than to read(reed) through this ever-growing stack of marriage books sitting in front of me?

But marriage books? Really? Aren't they just self-help books with a twist of Chicken Soup for Mardel's Profit's Soul? How many editions of The 5 Love Languages does it take to get the point across? What, again, is the point? Do I really fit in one of five pretty little boxes? Who decided there were five? What would happen if a dissheveled, pipe-smoking, Gandalf-like professor emerged from a cave in Egypt with an ancient scroll revealing a long-lost sixth love language? How would Dr. Gary Chapman respond? My money says he'd make BFF with this Gandalf-person and a motley band of his five(one for each language) back cover endorsers, which include NASCAR driver Darryl Waltrip(not a joke), Kirk Cameron(a joke on many levels), and Elijah Wood on an epic quest to fling the sixth scroll into the fires of Mount Ararat, and thus restore peace and order to Dr. Gary Chapman's publishing empire.

A stretch though that may be, do you blame me for a tinge of skepticism at anything turned face up on the Lifeway shelves, a la Joel Osteen and Joyce Meyer? I'm not out to slam highly successful self-help authors such as those(wink), but to express my concern that even those authoring books on marriage - that most sacred of rites - are not exempt from the draws of commercial success that consume so many in the lucrative industry of Christian media. I want to believe the author has my best interests in mind, so forgive me for doubting this when the new marriage book is packaged with as little humility as those of previously mentioned 'authors'.

I remember, however, who recommended these books. These are my friends and a church I love and trust. Whatever my concerns about media companies, my friends are of good and loving motive. They want the best for me. I am thankful that my friends and the church care enough to help prepare couples for married life. Under this pretense, maybe I can give these books an honest chance. Since honesty is such a big part of marriage, and thus my pursuit, I've decided to apply honesty to my decision to push through in reading these marriage books. Despite my concerns, I shall read them with an open mind, but even better, I will take you along for the ride.
Over the next few months, I will read through these marriage books, which I've listed below. I expect much surprise, frustration, and relief at what I read, and I will do my best to let all those reactions show in these letters.


The books I will read are:
The Five Love Languages - Gary Chapman
Rocking the Roles - Robert Lewis
His Needs, Her Needs - William F. Harley, Jr.
When Sinners Say 'I Do' - Dave Harvey
Men Are Like Waffles--Women Are Like Spaghetti - Bill & Pam Farrel

I will read them in this order and write after each one is completed, a process I expect to take less than 61 days, which happens to be the exact time left till I get married. I hope you gather some benefit (or entertainment, at least) from my journey, and I promise to open my ears and listen to what the writers have to say.

Beyond the writing, I'm excited about the task at hand. I've written previously on preparing my home for Cara's arrival. In similar fashion, I've titled this series 'Preparing a Heart'. I realize more every day how much room I have to grow and mature in preparing to be Cara's husband; I have a long way to go. If you'll join me for this while, I trust by my example God will widen your path, if for no other reason than to sidestep my wreckage.

I feel so refreshed when a singer is honest, and remains honest over a sustained period of time. Maybe 'refreshed' is not so much my feeling as it is 'suprise'. I am surprised by a voice I've heard for over ten years on various records, and I'm surprised most in knowing that voice has not changed, but has remained remarkably consistent in conveying the simple and humble message of the love of Christ.

I know you already guessed it, but I'm referring to Chris Rice, who in his pursuit to become evermore irrelevant on the Christian music charts, has actually made some of his best music in recent years. I understand that the industry of Christian music needs exciting product to keep the revenues high. I don't blame them for this reality, and I have no problem with them producing music they determine can market well to mass audiences. Within the industry of music entertainment, this is necessary. Fortunately for believers, our music doesn't require the approval of ever-shifting popular culture, and the yoke is thus quite easy in comparison.

When I listen, for example, to Chris Rice's 'Peace Like a River: The Hymns Project', I am reminded that the music of the church has sustained itself for thousands of years not on the backbone of mass-industry, but in the hearts and mouths of Christ-followers who, in humility, confessed His love with their songs. Chris seems to capture this truth, and his renditions humble me in knowing I am a participant in the same songs my ancestors sang through times of joy and times of great oppression. Chris is singing, and the saints are at my side, and we are singing with him.

I hope I never underestimate the power of the church's liturgy - that is, the practices of the church that have withstood all cultural pressures, be they of popular culture or persecution. I think I enjoy Chris's voice because the honesty and brokenness I sense makes me believe I am listening to the voice of the Christian church. He sings as one who knows both the cost and joy of a life confessed fully to the purgative power of Christ. In short, I hear humility in his voice, and it's humility that I want. I want to be nothing before Christ. I don't want to sound exciting or marketable; I don't even want to sound good. I just want to be honest, and in humility offer my very small gift of praise to Christ, whose love will forever frustrate my flesh and nurture my soul.

I don't write this to lift anyone up where they should not go. My cap tips, however, to Chris Rice for faithfully pursuing the message of Christ, and, in passing that message on to us, reminding us that the old, boring, unmarketable hymns carry the weight of the fathers and the legacy of faith we carry today. This approach does not sell a lot of records, and many people will end up forgetting you exist. But, the message of the cross has been passed down on such backs, and I carry a debt of gratitude to Chris for using his immense talent to remind us that Christ is the picture of humility, and He remembers our faithfulness long after we are forgotten. I can rest in that.