The Earth, The Sky and Everything In Between

Day 1

I most always wake up late. Actually, I'm not always late and I wasn't today, so let's say I most always wake up inconvenienced, and today my inconvenience arrived at 8:30am. Sunday school is closing fast and I haven't packed for my 6 day trip to Omaha, Nebraska, for which I'm due to leave in 3 hours.

My impression of Nebraska has been and is a flat, corn-colored void with occasional earth-dents they call 'cities'. Nebraska is that place next to Iowa, which is that place next to Illinois, home of Chicago. Despite my impression, I'm glad to escape Texas for a week. I love my home - I just bought a house there. I guess there's a comfort being in a place where I'm an unknown. No one has ever seen me before, nor will they see me again for some time, if ever. Is that an abatement of some responsibility? Am I drinking escapism? I think maybe I am, just a little. Why else would I look forward to a week in Nebraska?

.........

It's Sunday night, my first in Omaha. After I landed, I took a long walk through downtown, which to my surprise is actually pretty extensive. Several new developments and improvements make you think you're in a much larger city. There is a distinct culture to Omaha, and I caught it before I ever met a single person. In fact, you could say I caught it before I saw a single person. I took a long evening walk through a very large and well-developed downtown district, and for much of it I was the only pedestrian in sight. And really, I do mean the only one. Most of my walk I was completely alone in this big commerce centre. I actually loved it. I've never seen anything like that, and I doubt I ever will again.

Silence is powerful - it draws out all that words cover in misdescription and noise, and speaks directly to the soul. Silence speaks with confidence and maintains humility, and in my experience that is one powerful, powerful combination. Maybe I need to practice silence some more, cause most times I feel lacking in both of those areas. Cause right now I'm a guy trying to find his feet in life; learning how to swim and walk and ride a bike all over again. I am trying to find my feet as a man, and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do once I find them. I just know right now I'm trying to keep my ears open - trying to keep perspective on my life and God's role in it - and trying to hear him in the silence I've now found as I keep walking on, looking for my feet, in Omaha.

Sometimes when I need a good laugh, I'll flip on the cheapo televangelist channel. I am and will forever be amazed that anyone takes that stuff seriously.

So this lady is on there doing a roundtable discussion that turns into storytime on how God answers prayers. She went into this long discourse on how the pressures of life have a way of dragging us to a near standstill spiritually. She talked about how easy it is for us to forget God in those moments, and how when we remember to seek Him, He turns our struggles into joy and He is with us; guiding us and showing us His love.

Almost gets you thinking about your own life. It did with me - until she opened her mouth back up and "He turns our struggles into joy and is with us; guiding us and showing us His love -- like when you're getting ready for a party, and have so many things to do you feel just overwhelmed. So I stopped right there, got on my knees, and prayed that God would take control of the situation and lift me up with His power. Not only did I get everything done, but had 30 minutes left to rest!"

You know, I almost thought she'd apply the idea with something meaningful, but I obviously forgot which channel I was watching. The best part was all the other ladies' affirming nods - you know, that sincere, eyes closed, 'I can feel the spirit in this room' kind of nod - you know the one. I guess the real sad part is a lot of folks see that and say 'that's what the whole Christian-thing is all about'.

Breaking from that for a moment, I had a prayer request of my own the other night.

By the way, is it wierd for a 24 year old to refer to anyone as his best friend? Is that kinda kiddish? I was thinking about that a lot, but what I figure is I might as well. I'm not closer to anyone else outside my family, and I'm not gonna act like I don't pick favorites, cause I certainly do in most areas of my life.

So we'll call him my best friend, and his name is Kurt. He's preparing to spend his life on the other side of the world in service to Christ. In the 5 years I've known him, we've shared a lot of good times together through conversations, camping, being investigated by border patrol, you know, all the quality moments in life that bring people together. For the last few weeks he's been traveling from the deep south back to Portland where he lives, visiting friends and relatives with his girlfriend Sarah. A few nights ago, they stayed with me for their one night in Fort Worth. They were late getting in, and by the time we had dinner and got back to the casa, it was about 10:30 with my 5:30am wake-up call staring me in the face. We talked for awhile, had some good tea (I love tea), and called it a night. As I was drifting off, I prayed that God would let me stay home for awhile that next morning without lying to my boss.

A few seconds of conciousness later and I was up and on my way, having totally forgotten what I prayed the night before. I get in my car, start turning it out of the drive, and noticed it wasn't moving where I was telling it to move. After decorating the moment with an expletive, I did what any man would and should do, and just gave it more gas. A few seconds later I was enlightened. I couldn't drive straight because my tire was completely flat. I immediately remembered my prayer, and with a widening grin of excitement and humiliation, I thanked God for answering my prayer and apologized for cursing. I felt very biblical - being so holy and unholy in near the same moment. Made me feel like David, and he was a king.

Kurt woke up a few hours later and we got to work on the car for a while and talk about the deeper points we'd missed the night before. He is the best friend I've got, one of the few people who need just ask and I'd be on the next plane to wherever he is.

I sincerely wanted to find some big spiritual lesson or illumination that came from the extra 3 hours I got to spend with Kurt this week, but if there is one, I'm not conciously aware of it. Maybe my big point is one of encouragement - don't be afraid or ashamed to ask God for things that seem silly or rather simple in the 'big picture' of life. I believe in a God who laughs and dances, and who loves children and fairy tales. I think He has a soft spot in His heart for simple people praying simply. Don't be afraid to offer up your questions for God. You're never too smart or mature to not ask God most anything. But if He happens to give you a pleasant answer to a simple request, like flattening your tire, please, please, please, use those moments not as a point of fixation, but a reminder of all the different ways God is so very good, and how those moments are meant to encourage us to pursue Him all the more.

OK, so that last idea was a bust. I admit it, and now I'm moving on.

I don't have much to say, so instead of trying to pull something out of my butt, I'm gonna do something I don't often do with something I do quite often.

Huh?

The 'something I do quite often' is write poetry. The 'something I don't often do' is share it with anyone else, so consider this a little peephole into Nathan's squirmy paranoia-infested inner thoughts. It's probably theraputic to me in some way.

Oh, and most of my poems are about love. Hope you don't mind.


Without Reason

I love thee without reason
like a candle to a flame
where others find division
to each other we're the same
My love is earned by nothing
No conditions to display
I love thee without reason
I love thee enough to say

I don't love you for your smile
though it illuminates my day
heavenlies ne'er knew such warmth
they resignedly fade away
You dance just like an angel
up upon your throne
I'll live to love you, lift you, darling
as you dance your way back home

I don't love you for your voice
that harp-led angels song
at yours the angels voices stilled
like them I am undone
Your eyes are like a waterfall
pouring endless supply
of strength that heals and peace that reveals
all things within your eyes

Your body a portrait of elegance
your spirit wild and free
Burning, turning fire's passion
Heaven's opus reality
Even for this I don't love you
On love tis not my claim
I loved you without reason
before I ever knew your name

Cause all these things about you
are magic to my eyes
my heart jumps straight to heaven
when I look into your eyes
but if they ever leave you
if they ever fly away
I always knew your name, 'My Love'
my love for you remains

and sees not what could be
or must be or should be
expects not, projects not
but says softly, 'I love thee'
Not 'because', not 'in this way'
No conditions to display
I love thee without reason
I love thee enough to say

We could be together
We could be the same
loving completely, drinking deeply
fanning on this flame
We could be together
we could be the same
living till we fly
till we fly away

home.

I want to step up how often I write, and since I typically need excuses and deadlines to accomplish anything, I'm gonna write two reviews a week, one music, one movie.

Since I recently did Lady in the Water, I'll count that as my movie. Forget that I wrote it two weeks ago. I'm lazy, and this is my blog, after all.

Song: Nothing to Say – Andrew Peterson

I really love this song. I started off wanting to write something really poetic – you know, really blow your socks off with something really great and moving. I guess thinking about it more, to do that would prove I'd taken absolutely nothing from what this song is trying to say. And what is that? I suppose it's saying God has given us a really, really big world; a world way bigger than our own concerns or even successes, and the more we're able to lose ourselves, and this need we carry to rationalize all existence – the more we love the what God has given us without reason, we find a joy in that wonderful surrender. There is a freedom in truly, truly letting go.

I'll add more later.

Call this a movie review if you like. A few evenings ago, I saw Lady in the Water for what will be the first of a small handful of viewings. Last I checked, Yahoo Movies had an average critic grade of C and a user grade of C+. What follows is my review...

(By the way, this could be considered a spoiler. I don't think it is, but if you're sensitive to those things, beware.)

Cleveland Heep, the protagonist played wonderfully by Paul Giamatti, is trying to piece together the strange events happening around him and soon discovers they mirror an ancient fairy tale told to him by one of the other residents. Naturally, he asks this character to tell him the entire tale, and thus provide him information critical to a happy ending. Before she tells him the fairy tale in all its detail, she makes him prove to her he will receive the story as a child, and results in one of the best scenes of the movie.

I believe now that Shyamalan was speaking to all of us through that moment: that his fairy tales are not meant for the calculating, expectant, or the realists of the world. In this film, he carries on the ancient practice of telling fairy tales, and does so the old fashioned way - by taking the ordinary and unassuming, and creating an outrageous tale that will not allow itself to be perfectly comprehended or understood. What he creates is a world waiting to welcome anyone who believes magic can still happen, and shows us that a secret world can and does exist just below our swimming pool, if we only allow ourselves eyes to see.

This isn't a new idea for Shyamalan. Think back to Signs - the great scene where Joaquin Phoenix and Mel Gibson discuss whether events in life are purely coincidence, or if they carry with them the miracle of intention. Though the film involves an alien attack, that seems more of a subplot, highlighting the real story of Gibson's struggle to believe God is still good. In Lady in the Water, Giamatti takes on a very similar role. Going into the film, he is a man quitting on life for reasons I won't mention here. His journey is a reminder of what Shyamalan does so well in his films (I don't mean scare you to death). He takes real hurts - the ones buried deeper in us than most are willing to dig - and shows there is still hope; there is still room to believe life can be a fantastic journey.

On another level, I loved Lady in the Water because Shyamalan created a fairy tale world from normal life and refused to explain himself or apologize for his actions. I think it's one of those movies (or stories) that will frustrate a person who tries to rationalize the events taking place. After all, this a fiary tale, and if a character is half bodybuilder/half scrawny, that can happen. The point is not why he is that way, but simply that he's that way. Shyamalan's tale doesn't attempt to explain that or the other numerous oddities, just like the Brothers Grimm didn't explain why in Hansel & Gretel the witch lived in a gingerbread house, or why she wanted to cook the children. In a time where we the 'enlightened' feel a need to rationalize all existence, an attempt to break this anti-creative pattern is so refreshing. It makes me this among the purposes and messages of this movie was not in the ending point, nor any other point along the way, but that the movie was it's own point.

Is it a perfect film? Not nearly. There are issues with pacing - much of the movie feels scattered and requires some patience. But like I mentioned earlier, Cleveland Heep wasn't allowed to receive the fairy tale until he presented himself as a child. The movie has a wealth and depth that you can tap into, but you have to believe in the film's worth before it's worth is proven. You have to love it before it becomes lovable. We grow up and grow old, and we become so demanding. All Shyamalan did here was make a bedtime story for his children into a movie designed so that only children could unlock its mysteries.


After thought: Many think Heaven is a place where all our questions will find their answers, and we'll finally understand God. I'm sorry, but I think there's more to our eternity than the fulfilled desire of Adam and his apple. So no, I don't think we'll get our answers, and I don't think we'll ask our questions. I believe Heaven is a place where our wonder and awe are fully restored; where life is magical, and we are swept away by our prince in a fairy tale bigger than our understandings. I think that's what Christ meant when he said we have to become like children to enter his kingdom. **